Friday, July 03, 2009

Eating at me...

Recently we were advised by a church authority to never contact a family again. This family we considered good friends. Somewhere along the line we obviously offended the female and have lost good friends :( I don't know anyone who likes to feel responsible for such a loss. This young lady has also blamed us for her inactivity in the church which hurts even more!

I don't know where things went sour, or what the "last straw" was for the young lady. But I do know she is walking around telling others why she is offended and no one will tell us why because they don't wish to get involved. (We share a lot of the same friends.) If you have hard feelings about something SPEAK UP!!! Be an adult and help me figure out why I suck at being your friend.

The biggest issue I have is that I have started to harbor ill feelings against this friend- things that normally I would let roll off my back, things that happened in my home that I didn't approve of but let slide at the time because she WAS a friend. Now that we aren't friends I am letting them fester. I invested time, effort and love into this young lady and her small family. I feel I deserve the courtesy of "you hurt me and this how..." but since I don't have that I am a bit discouraged in putting any effort into any relationship outside my family.

How do you let go? I am sure she would revel in the fact that I feel so horrible- if she only knew! How does one love someone who considers you an enemy? How does one get over rejection? I thought I was over these High school games and adult enough to deal with rejection but that is obviously not the case.

How do I go about getting over my negative feelings and harbor only good ones? I do not wish to let go of our friendship but will respect her wishes and leave her alone

10 comments:

Kauer Family said...

Ask Heavenly Father to help you see this person through His eyes. You will be amazed at the peace it brings. Good luck and know I am thinking of you!
AMY

Brandon & Leslie said...

How do you see them in a positive light? Picture this person swimming in an ocean of daisies and flowers...

On a serious note, people that accuse asingle person of being the reason they no longer attend church are using you as a scapegoat for them falling into temptation... They may be irritated by something you have done but THEY have made the decision to stray away, not you...

The only thing you can do is apologize and let it be... It is what it is-Brandon

MELISSA RENEE BLACKSTOCK DECKER said...

Chrissy-
Many of us have been in this very same position before and we can see hurts you really bad. Nobody likes to live with feelings as if "they" were the cause of something going wrong in the matter at hand. Especially if you or your loved ones are the ones being accused of the wrong doing.

I must say however that the reason you are having the fester of feelings is probably because there is a ? in your mind as to why anyone won't tell you. I think people have learned far too many times that when they open their mouths, they get involved and it comes back on them as if they were the ones that were in the wrong. You have to put yourself in the shoes of others.

With all that said, I know for a fact that "you" did nothing wrong. You are a good person and you have a big heart. We can all see that.

MELISSA RENEE BLACKSTOCK DECKER said...

P.S. Don't come at me with those "puppy dog" eyes wanting info either you hear me! I have a weak spot for friends and don't like to see them hurting. I may crack on the spot! :)

Matt, Haley, and Bennett Hargrave said...

Hey Girl Keep your chin up. Tell Jake to stop messing with politics and make him take ya on a date :).
Love ya'll, take care

Matt & Haley

The McMullin Family said...

Chrissy,
what a tough spot you're in. We've all been there at some point or another. Some more some less. The one thing that I have learned was, that the reason it hurts so bad is, because you love and care so much about that person. You might never find out why this person is so offended, but you will find out that our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love that person just as much as they love you. Therefore, the only thing you can and should do is ask Heavenly Father for help in finding the peace you need in this matter in your heart. Lay it all into His hands and He will guide you to the things that you need. Just love this person. The love that you give will give you the peace you need to be ok with it.
Chrissy, you're a wonderful person and you're heart is full of love for everyone around you. Have Jake give you a blessing and you will find the guidance you need. I'll put your name into the temple on wednesday when I go again. Everything will be just fine if you let go and give it to your Heavenly Father.
I love you Chrissy!

Olson Clan said...

We love you guys!!! I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. All of the advice above is great so I will just leave it at "we love you and ditto."

Sue said...

Just linked (from LunAria/Sheila C's blog)to your blog and this post really started me thinking. I agree that you need to know what happened..otherwise no body learns anything and nobody goes on.
So...here is what I would do (I am not someoen who can let hurt feeling go on)
Go to the "church" person who advised you not to contact them. Tell them you are now the hurting person as you have no idea what is happening. You need to know what happened as they, as spiritual guides to both parties, should bring you together to resolve what has happened.
If your church representative does not do this...then I would find another church to attend...they don't seem to be doing their job of healing a community and bringing people together.(Honestly that was the part the baffled me the most of your post).
Just my feelings on the issue.
Good luck...whatever happens...don't let it fester. Nobody heals when that happens!
(((hugs)))
Sue

Roeckers said...

Thanks all. I have been praying for many things regarding this issue, to include that one day they will forgive me and that when that day comes I will be ready and humble enough to accept that forgiveness. For now I must just work on being a better person, and look for friends open enough to discuss their feelings.

Love to you all!

Roeckers said...

I love and like myfamily
-Eliza