Sunday, December 09, 2007

Hot topic of conversation...

I am the oldest of three, I am married to the middle child of three, and have three children.

A few months ago my sisters and I were sitting around and discussed the roles we each play in the family "determined" by our placement in the family. It was interesting to see how the middle child and the baby of the family saw things in my family. There were a few view points I had never thought about.

My sisters believe I get everything I want, that my parents still give me special treatment and that it is past down to my kids. I was once told "it isn't that they love me more...they loved me first." I feel that I didn't get the same opportunities as my sisters because I wasn't as assertive as they were in asking for them. I was too conscious of the price and sacrifices my parents would have to make for my desires. My sister Kim feels she was neglected in some cases, and never got the same opportunities that I did or Dian does. Dian feels she is the princess. She never had the companionship of a sibling like Kim and I did, with the age gap but being the only one at home now gives her more attention. But she hasn't got the same opportunities Kim and I got due to my parents life changes.

I see the differences in the attitudes of Jake and his brothers towards there life growing up and their relationships with his parents.

I have been thinking about my own children and how differently I treat them. I love all three of my children but each of them for different reasons and due to their different personalities. Does this affect the way I treat them? Do I favor one of them over another? Does one get more than the other?

Where do you fit in the family and how do you feel it has affected your family relationships?


Ully Family said...

Parental love is a funny thing. Everywhere you go you see different ways parents show their love to each of their children. What someone sees as favoritism or spoiling, someone else may look at as treasuring or providing. Sometimes parents don't realize that they facilitating their children by continually doing everything for them, therefore causing contention between siblings. Holding grudges or feeling bitter towards siblings or parents just isn't worth it though. Sometimes you just have to look at it from a different point of view.
Yes, as a middle child I found (and sometimes still find) myself on the outskirts of my parents' love. But through discussions with my siblings and parents I do look at it differently.
Each child has a special place in their parents' hearts...whether you are #1, 2, 3 or whatever number. We are all different...which in turn, we all need different means of affection and love (sometimes tough love).
But I will say this; nothing is better then having a sibling or siblings to love, to learn from, and to grow with...even if they are spoiled or loved more! =)

Anonymous said...

This is a hot topic girl. :) I for one feel I could have been a great only child. For that reason I have to personally disagree with the last post that says there is, "nothing better then having a sibling or siblings to love, learn from, and to grow with...even if they are spoiled or loved more!"
Not that I would ever dream of having (by choice) only one child, but I know for me I am still the odd one out when it comes to anything my parents ever dish out. Of course I am totally prejudice coming from my upbringing. I will just try a thousand times harder to not be my parents while parenting my own children.